Could Be Me
By David Martin, Director of Spritual
Care - Tarrant County
The windshield wipers smeared water into my field of
vision. I should have gotten new blades last week! The
rhythmic sound was driving me crazy. Tap, screech, tap,
screech. My mind spun in dizzy circles, trying to absorb
what the doctor had said. Cancer? I could scarcely believe
it. Yet there it was, pressing down on my chest, literally
a mass in my right lung. I had
never smoked nor worked in a dangerous environment.
This does not make sense!
Now chemicals drip through an IV. The TV on the wall
drones on about politics and I turn it off. How could
I have ever believed I would read a book in here? My
head hurts. I feel nauseous, but worse, since my gagging
never goes further than throat. Lovely.
Two days of this so far, but this first round is almost
over. No tests yet on the size of the tumor, but my
breathing is easier so I mentally assure myself things
are better. I wonder how much longer I have to live.
This question has never seemed so real
Anger at God wells up within. Where is He anyway?
A knock at the door interrupts my fuming. The being
with voice behind the knock is quiet and asks if she
can come in. Something about Lifeline Chaplaincy, whatever
that is. Not one to be rude, I tell her to come in.
Maybe this will break up the boredom.
She asks if she can sit down and I say yes. Blue eyes
dot her plump face crowned by gray hair. She seems pleasant
enough, inquiring as to my treatment. This launches
me into a tirade about the difficulty the nurse had
inserting the IV needle. The blue eyes dont blink
and she nods her head in empathy. That must have
been exasperating, she exclaims when I finally
pause to catch my breath. Good! Shes listening.
So, I plunge ahead, letting it all rush out
frustration, my anger and my fear.
Poor woman. I have poured out my soul and now apologize
for my invective. She just nods and smiles, quietly
offering hope by letting me be me. I like this soft
spoken woman of God who has entered my antiseptic smelling
room. Im not sure I have her kind of courage,
but I am glad she came. She listened well. She prayed
the most beautiful of prayers.
For the first time in days, I began to see that I am
not alone. Hope begins to build and I continue her prayer
for healing, for life, and for the promise of eternity.
I think its going to be alright.
Office address: 2701 West Berry Street, Suite 102-103,
Fort Worth, Texas 76109
E-Mail address: DMartin@LifelineChaplaincy.org
Patients are being visited in
these Ft. Worth area hospitals:
Alliance Hospital CLICK
Arlington Memorial CLICK
Baylor Grapevine CLICK
Baylor All-Saints Medical Center CLICK
Cook's Children CLICK
Harris HEB CLICK
Harris Methodist Hospital CLICK
Harris SW Fort Worth CLICK
John Peter-Smith (JPS Health Network) CLICK
Kindred Fort Worth CLICK
Mansfield Methodist CLICK
Medical Center of Arlington CLICK
North Hills Hospital CLICK
Plaza Medical Center CLICK
Texas Health Alliance CLICK
Patients are being visited in
these Ft. Worth area nursing and rehabilitation facilities:
LaDora Nursing & Rehab Center CLICK
Wellington Oaks Nursing & Rehabilitation CLICK
Lifeline Chaplaincy Tarrant County office:
2701 West Berry St. Suite 102-103
Fort Worth, TX 76109
888-767-6363 (toll free)